What Kind Of Killer Are You?

You kill for revenge.
That is because you have lost something or someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem to get over the loss that marked your soul, and the only solution is to go after the one person who brought all this pain to you. Chances are you are angry inside and you bottle everything up and don't talk to anyone about it. People may want to help, but you think that they can never understand your pain and only get frustrated because of this. But it is important to see all that you have left and be thankful of that even if you have lost something great. It may not be true that Times heals all wounds, but with time and talking about your feelings, maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J. Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and teary eyes

Yeah...that's what it says...I took my boyfriend of 8 months...(( O_O )) to two movies yesterday. We went to see Madagascar and Star Wars Episode III...both were very good... ^_^ So between movies we were getting McDonalds and standing there, he just said, "Wow, you are so beautiful." And he said it again...like to make sure that I heard him right, because, i kinda gave him this WTF look...Well, i was dressed in baggy jeans and a huge tee, wearing and AE hat...I didn't think i looked that pretty...more like grunge...oh well

Well at that same Micky-Dees...there was this short young lady, (she worked there) and I went back up to the front because they screwed up my brother's order. (He only likes mustard on this dbl cheese burger) And the short worker was like, "I didn't do it, I swear." She was so cute...I asked her how old she was, and i said "36," with a huge shiteatin grin. It was so great...she really was only 25...Then i teased her about being short...it was a great night...

Okay...so prom was friggin awesome...though a little boring...

I'm still alive so it's a good thing...I'm going to put up pics tomorrow so check then...man...

Still reeling from everything...and i still love yugioh...<3

and i now know that i'm an effing bitch...thanks!

Current Action :: Sitting in a corner, crying...
Current Object(s) :: A box cutter and a switchblade...

I'm tired. Very tired. Tired of all the bullshit people decide to deal to perfectly decent people. Tired of all the crap I put up with...Here's what I say...Fuck it all...

I come home from musical practice. (We only got through half the musical even though practice was for almost three hours...big waste of time!) My brother throws a freshly popped bag of popcorn at me, yelping it was hot...Okay...I can deal with that...he didn't really mean to throw it at me. I'm cool with that...so he decides he wants pop...so he uses a cup...why? To bug me...it worked. I told him he was going to wash dishes and my father-figure was like, "you don't tell anyone what to do, you got me?" Well I tried to tell him that it was him that told me when the others used dishes unnessisairly then they would wash them, but he just told me to shut up...

Okay...I can deal with that...I was cool...

This is where I want to kill myself...

I continue cleaning like everything was fine...I cleaned the table and the counter off. My sister comes into the kitchen and asks, "Did you throw a bottle away?" I shrugged saying, "maybe, I don't know." She retorted with, "It has a black cherry label." Then it hit me that I did. "Why did you do that, stupid?! I needed that for school! Now get it out of the trash!" I told her that I didn't know she needed it and that if she wanted the bottle then she was going to dig in the trash for it. So she found it then screamed that it didn't have the cap and threw it back in the trash...so...I found her stupid cap...took it up to her...I tossed it her saying, "If you need to keep something that you think I might take for trash then put a note on it." She started yelling that I wasn't her mother and shouldn't lecture her. I told her I was just reminding her. (btw :: I kept my voice level and calm the whole time she screamed. Ha...bite that one in the ass you fucking slutty bitch!!) Then she opened the door to go call mom, and dad was standing there...he said he had been standing there for three minutes. He did not get the beginning of the argument so he automatically assumed I went up stairs to harass my sister...bull fucking shit...I tired to explain that I was just asking her to leave notes so I know...but he told me that when I started acting like a human, he would talk to me. He told me that I wasn't human and that he couldn't wait to get rid of me. He totally said that it was my fault that there were so many fights in the house. I know he blames me, because I try to let the others know that since I'm not home all the time, I need them to be supportive and try to keep the kitchen cleaned. Yeah, right...like they'd even try to help me...fuck...

Yeah, i know this has been said many a times...but still i fucking try...-smacks self- I know it's wrong...i just don't understand why i get the urge to hurt myself...I need suggestions on how to prevent it...help...

-sigh- yeah...i haven't been keeping up because of stupid family...again...

There's been a lot of things going on since my last entry...

1Sean finally asked me out...-blush-
2I have four happy daughters (not for real just adopting my friends)
3Joined the musical...we're doing beauty and the beast...i so wanted to be Miss. Potts...but my mother told me i wasn't alllowed to try out. Only through the new class, Musical Theatre Application, was i allowed to be in the show...even though my mother promised i could be in one show this year...man i sooo missed out on Hide and Shriek...which was very good I might add...
4finally did a research paper that was due back in DECEMBER! lmao...so funny...it was a piece of shit.
5finally got up my webpage. It's not finished...but i'll put the link up soon...-shrug-
6found the perfect hard rock station on the satalite... I <3  Rock!

7figured that i'm screwed...
8Decided to wait a year before going to school
9Decied i'm going to Pittsburg Techical Insitute
10learned that i hate the world and that it's full of pervs, assholes, bitches, whores and sluts, and generally stupid people...yeah fuck...

11caught my sister screwing a 21 year old guy...yeah, fuck that too...

12have learned to love mudvayne, nine inch nails, papa roach, crossfade, 3 days grace, seether, audioslave, and lots of other bands...

So comment...don't comment...it's not like i should care...-shrug-

BTW...hi Nate...

First off i'd like to appolgize to my friend Nathan for screaming at him. Man, I'm really really sorry. You scared the fucking shit out of me. I saw you hand and saw a shadow coming to strangling me. I tried to find you earlier but i figured you left...

Anyways!!!

It was sooo awesome...way better than last year. And my friend Niki was the queen. I was so happy for her! She's a down-to-earth girl that's beautiful.

I danced...was good looking. You guys'll get pics later...as soon as they get them developed. Hehehe...I've got one month. Drew's mom made us stand for a pic. Blah!

Other than that. I realized that I'm sooo in love with my friend Sean. I can't help it....and he can't dance...so that made it only so much cooler for me....(no Sean i'm not making fun of you...)....anyways. I've tried to tell him and i've hinted that i love him but he just can't act on it. I think he's afraid of ending it like the previous...we both were a little bored. and I was freaking out over a friend of mine so we broke it off.....now two years later....i find i still love him. We tease each other all the time. I REALLY want to tell him that i love him.....right now he's got a girlfriend....why can't he just...for one week....not have a girlfriend...so i can tell him how i friggin' feel...and get it over with! I just wish that he would ask me out...i wouldn't have to think about it....

I am listening to Latino Pop Music on Sirius...so beautiful! 

Tonight is homecoming.....and i'm so excited!! I'm going with my best friend, Drew...who is like my bestest bestest best friend along with Rina, and Pam, and Manny, and....-trails off-

Anyways, i have this adoorible yellow dress...I'm going to go for a golden goddess look....I'll bring back pics...

Here's the sich....

I am only allowed to pick up the phone between the hours of 5:30pm to 7:30pm....Why? Because of my stupid sister......

Here's what happened.....

My dad left for his sister's. Before hand my mom told him to call about 20 mins before he left so my sister could call Pizza Joe's and order pizza. He would pick them up on the way home....

........then.......

My sister got on the phone.....as soon as she dialed her friend Kiki's number the call waiting beeped...she said hold on and pressed the flash button as one does to access the second line....she kept conversation with the other person for 10 mins....i didn't think anything of it.....then she did it again....and as teh time got closer and closer to 9:00pm i began to wonder if dad had tried to call, because he said that he might call around 8:30pm.....so i asked amanda if dad called...she evilly spat, "No!" and told her friend that i was being annoying....i just shrugged and went upstairs to read....i came back down to reclean the kitchen a bit and dad walked in....he didn't get through until ten mins after 9:00...here at my house Amanda and i aren't allowed on the phone after nine.....i've never had a problem with it but Amanda always broke it....drove me nuts that she would carry on two convos at one time.....

And so......I'm not allowed to touch the phone because of her stupidity! I get punished for something i had no idea about....I didn't even get told until like two days later....

Here's why i'm upset......

i've been working my ass off to get privlages......i don't think i've gotten any yet......my dad is thinking of putting photoshop on the comp.....


What did i do?


*Names changed to proctect my hide from Amanda....

Why can't i go get help? I don't understand what's holding me back from calling the police or talking to Mr. Sharp........I don't understand it at all!!!!!!!!!! WHY CAN'T I GET HELP FOR MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!   
I am so stupid! It's because i love them even thought they do all this shit to me.....why do i love them? Even Amanda has turned on me.....again i feel so friggin alone....so stupid......like at chruch today....the minister stated that there was no god like his god.....he doesn't know that for sure!!  He has no knowledge of what other ppl believe.....i know i shouldn't be judgemental....it just hurts to think that he might be that closed minded.......like everyone else around me.....ppl that aren't always live in another place.....far from me.......I don't mind....i just want someone to love me for who i am and won't hurt me because they think i'm stupid........